Thursday, July 29, 2010

Yes, George; you are GLENN BECK!!!!

Holy Shit!!  I know Glenn Beck; and he lives in Korea!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Their shore is alot of wrighting errors hear

Win eye sit down and reelly think a bout it, win I really tri to reed the word’s Ive wroten, win I lock very, very, closerly, I’m shore I’ll find meany English mistakes in mine own wrighting. Hell, aye jest no that eye must write them awl the thyme. Butt, I’m knot a publisher!! And, wile eye’ve Dunn a lot of proofriding in my time, I don’t due it for a leaving.

The people that wrote this garbage (not mine above, but those below), however, do! They are not only professional publishers that claim to have hired proofreaders; but they publish books used to teach English for god’s sake! I know Korea has a race problem. I know Koreans only reluctantly and grudgingly hire English speakers to come in and teach conversational English. And, maybe Korean publishers are operating under the false assumption that Koreans are somehow better at writing and grammar than native speakers (I’ve actually had an employer in Korea make this foolish argument to me once). But, couldn’t this company hire just one of those blond-haired, blue-eyed, grudgingly-employed guys to actually read through this garbage before they print thousands of copies?

I don't know.  What are some good topics to "break an ice?"  How about cocktails?

Warning about being careful, huh?  Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking.

Well, I "considers" it a fucking shame that you're not only using the passive construction, but that you're also pretty careless about the articles.

When "w're" writing an English textbook, it might be a good idea to write in complete sentences.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Monday, July 12, 2010

Is this how the other half lives?

I've always been a bit of news junky.  In college I typically read two or three newspapers a day (Sports section, classifieds, and Fashion excepted).  I loved the smell of the paper, the ink on my fingers, and the satisfaction of reading crisp, clean copy that was researched in hours and written in minutes.  It will be ball-chilling cold day in hell when I give up my warm, familiar paper for a cold, computer screen or some goddamn iPad.

But, these days I'm less attracted to the hard news than I am to the opinions.  I head straight to the editorials.  I read the columnists I like first and have a passing glance at those whom I tend to disagree with.  It's my age, I tell myself.  I'm becoming a bitter old man who would rather have his opinions validated than heard.  I even find myself reading the letters to the editor.  I want to dive into the complaints, the adversarial postures, the grating discord.  I want to immerse myself in the hatred they feel for the opposition.  I want a good argument.  I want a winner.  

And, every now and then I run across something in these editorials or letters that sends me flipping back to an earlier page in an earlier edition.  This is what happened today when I ran across a letter that brought me to this:

American Dream Is Elusive for New Generation

This article made me absolutely furious.  Fuck this kid!!!  Fuck him with the rusty end of a broken pitch fork!!!  And fuck this goddamn journalist too!  Who are these people?  How dare they muster the presumption to speak so condescendingly about an entire generation!  Other than the little fuck in this article, who the hell is complaining about “entitlement?”  Really, where the fuck are these people?   

I don’t know about this piss ant kid or this jerk-off journalist, but I've worked my ass off my entire life.  From the time I was fifteen years old I've worked cutting trees, laying concrete, washing dishes, flipping burgers, slinging hash, and turning wrenches.  I walked to work, lived off potato salad made with the free condiments from the Circle K, and paid my rent on time.  

I competed against little shits like this kid as an undergraduate.  When the out-of-town wealth from Tulane went out partying, I was the one pouring their drinks, wiping off their tables, and mopping their vomit off the floor.  While they went off each summer to fill their resumes with unpaid internships and sinecures at daddy’s office, I took on extra work to make it through the next semester. 

And this little fuck has the audacity to think that his $400,000 degree should put him at the front of the line?  What happened to valuing hard work, persistence, and determination?  My god!!  Is this kid serious?  Is he really shocked that he didn't land an $80,000 executive-track position right out of college? Does he really think that merely having a degree from Colgate carries that much weight?  I honestly don't know which is more depressing, the fact that this little twerp is so delusional or the fact that were it not for this recession his expectations would be realistic.  

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Thank you for your consideration

Mr. Smith
Human Resource Manager
Cocksuckers Inc.
1234 Chupame la Polla Ave.
WTFville, BS 46807

Dear Mr. Smith,

I would like to thank you again for the opportunity to interview for the Dingleberry Quality Selection Team Member position with Cocksuckers Inc.  Although I am disappointed that I was not chosen, I enjoyed meeting you and your staff and learning more about your company.

I am still interested in opportunities with Cocksuckers Inc. and would appreciate it if you would keep me in mind for future openings with any of the branches here in WTFville.

If, however, you have no intention of contacting me again, please disregard everything above.  And, I hope it's not too insensitive for me to reveal that I pray you slip on your own bathroom floor, bleed to death, and your children are forever traumatized by finding you there naked, surrounded in a pool of your own blood and holding a copy of LadyBoy Weekly.

Thank you again for your consideration.


Logan Row